Until I finally sat down to write the words you’re reading, I hadn’t shared anything publicly about George Floyd, Black Lives Matter, or the rest of our country’s current situation.
I had no idea what to say. And, more than anything, I thought that meant I needed to sit down and figure it out. If there is a need for others to raise their voices against injustice, and I feel the impulse to not, there is something there worth exploring. And maybe, I thought, if I can shed some light on how I feel and how I've changed, others that remained quiet for so long might hear, and we can all get somewhere better together.
I should start by saying I have no issue calling what happened to George Floyd what it was - murder.
In the aftermath of George Floyd's murder, though, a sentiment was circulating around social media that being silent means you stand with the oppression. As far as I understand, the original idea stems from the words of Desmond Tutu when he specifically wrote, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse, and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.”
I was immediately defensive. I didn’t want to feel compelled to use my little social media accounts for anything I didn’t want to share. It was some monkey-mind reflex shit. “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do!” And that’s true. Partially. In this world, you don’t have to participate in some things and you do have to participate in others. We have to pay taxes. We have to work 40 hours per week (or more) to pay bills. We have to follow the laws. But then sometimes, too many times, those meant to uphold them don't.
I think what made me recoil so quickly was how uncomfortable it makes me admitting that we need to do any of this at all. Just as a teary-eyed Killer Mike began his speech when he spoke at the Atlanta protests the other day - "I didn’t want to come, and I don’t want to be here."
That’s where the defensiveness comes from. You don’t want this to be real. You don’t want this to have to happen. You don't want to have to speak up. But you do. At the least. And as defensive as I could be about something as simple as using my social media, I can’t imagine how it feels to need to march and riot and loot and fight for your basic human rights.
On the other side of all this is my identity.
I was lucky enough to be born white in a country that systematically values it above all else. I have the unfortunate luxury to sit back in times of injustice. And maybe as stupid as it may sound, it feels disingenuous to speak up because I’ve never done it before. I hate admitting that, but I think it’s important to note because I can’t be alone.
I was worried who would read whatever I chose to write. It could be as simple as typing “Black lives matter" but somewhere in my brain I felt like someone is going to call me out. They would know I'd never been very vocal and they'd make me ashamed for it. Or they'd question how much I know about our history, quizzing me on the details. And that led me to wonder if maybe what I’m really worrying about is revealing the ignorant and delusional and privileged among me.
But why stay silent? Why live a lie? Why not confront my own identity as someone that can sit back, and use what I can for good?
Every voice matters. That’s what I didn't really get until I was able to write these words. It's not about educating people that didn't know black lives matter. It's not about sharing the perfect meme or the most captivating video. That's not the point. The simple act of speaking up means you're showing others, white or black, in your smallest of circles that you don't stand for injustice.
I'm sharing this for myself and for others. You can be conscious of your privilege but that’s not enough. Real change requires action. I’m sorry if you want to stay silent, stay out of it, or stay in your healthy, luxurious bubble. The best time to speak up and take action was yesterday. The next best time is now.